OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
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