Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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