He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Come share oat with me in your robe
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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