capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
