I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
