did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
