I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
