so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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