i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
