This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
