I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
