you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
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