If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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