I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
