i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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