After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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