i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
