garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wish I could teleport
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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