Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
