You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm like, not good at living.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
