I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
