if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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