Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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