My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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