Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
