you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize