My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We got so high we made milksteak
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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