I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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