Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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