The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize