Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
