I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So vagazzling was a success
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
