Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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