question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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