No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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