All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
