sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize