An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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