So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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