Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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