Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
