:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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