Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
