Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
