So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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