You really coming over, don't trick.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
