i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
