I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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