i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
