so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You ate ashes out of my bong
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize