i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
