i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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