i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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