I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am one with the molecules
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
