I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
