September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
