I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
50% drunk capacity currently
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm too high and old for this...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
