i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
