I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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