Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
