dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
