the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
