I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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