It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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