I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
