my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
