Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize