dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
