I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
