This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
