I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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