we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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