she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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