Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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