In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
