Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can I color on your dick again?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
