We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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