I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
