When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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