why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
