Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
