Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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