I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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