sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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