im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
barbara walters just said penis...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
