even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
