I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
