YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
