this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
