I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
