Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize