Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
