holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
