I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
