Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
