who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
