Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
