I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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