He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
