I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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