Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
