p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
