I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
