Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
