I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
