The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
