brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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