Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize